Source —AP Photo/Charles Krupa

By: Danielle Lucibello

The Falcons’ chances of winning the Super Bowl are “for the birds” because Brady is a touchdown machine with one mission: to make grown men outside the New England area sob and cry like relentlessly bullied school children.

Tom Brady threw an amazing personal record of  384 yards, and 3 touchdown passes in the AFC Championship game. He turned the red-hot Steelers into a circus tent on fire. At some points, the Patriots were just left wide open to run /catch the ball. Does he ever get tired of being the best quarterback? You’d think at 39 he’d be slowing down by now, but nope he just keeps on going. I’m pretty sure he’s the oldest person playing currently (edit: it’s not, there are a few others who are over 40).

The Patriots have already won 4 Superbowls with Brady already, what’s to stop them from winning their 5th? Yes, the Falcons have a great offense (they scored 44 points in their AFC game), but as long as we have Brady calling the shots, we should be able to win. The Falcons haven’t even been in a Super Bowl game since 1998, so I doubt they’ll win now.

To top it off: Brady has never lost to the Falcons. As in not once in history. Here’s the stat line —

Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table

Regular Season Table
Passing
RkYearDateG#AgeTmOppResultGSCmpAttCmp%YdsTDIntRate
120012001-11-04824-093NWEATLW 24-10*213167.7425030124.4
RkYearDateG#AgeTmOppResultGSCmpAttCmp%YdsTDIntRate
220052005-10-09528-067NWEATLW 31-28*222781.4835031140.4
RkYearDateG#AgeTmOppResultGSCmpAttCmp%YdsTDIntRate
320092009-09-27332-055NWEATLW 26-10*254259.522771087.1
RkYearDateG#AgeTmOppResultGSCmpAttCmp%YdsTDIntRate
420132013-09-29436-057NWEATLW 30-23*203164.5231620119.8
4 Games4-0-08813167.18119391115.7
Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 1/26/2017.

 

A Pass-Completion rating of 81% in 2005. Are you serious?! That alone is enough reason for the entire Atlanta secondary to order contact-resistant adult diapers. Matt Ryan is pre-booking his stay into the nearest mental ward after the statistical slaughter he his about to witness from the TB12 opposite the field.

The Super Bowl: a bi-annual tradition of New Englanders drinking the tears of every other football fan in the country.

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